With a Heavy Heart I Cling to Hope

This weekend left me with a heavy heart.  A friend lost her baby just weeks before he could’ve had a chance, for the second time.  Another friend marked off one year since losing her precious girl who would be 4 yrs old.  As we were finished leaving flowers on Charlotte’s grave, the kids were wondering which would be harder, losing a child you hadn’t had the opportunity to know, or losing a child who had become integrated into your life.  I recognize that it is human nature to try and understand another’s pain by comparing but I believe and told them we could never know unless we were that person, what their pain is.

 

 I also told them that I thought really any mother would give anything she could for just one more day or even moment with her child so they were all somewhat the same.  I’ve thought about it a lot this weekend and I feel like that is the fundamental truth of the matter.  What mother of a stillborn baby wouldn’t give all just to see those little eyes open and those lips turn pink and move?  What mother who has lost an infant wouldn’t trade all her riches for little fingers to close around hers or for that look adoration that only an infant’s eyes can shine. A mother of a toddler would value one more embrace from chubby arms or those adorable words of affection that toddlers give so freely more than any worldly accolade.  And then to hear the entrance of a busy youth not just in your head but to actually have them come plop down and ask for more food and tell you about their big accomplishments and disappointments.  No mom who has lost that could groan and feel overwhelmed to have him back in her kitchen forever or even for 5 min.  And what wouldn’t she give to pick up the phone and hear that voice on the other end.  “Mom, you’ll never believe what happened in class today” or “Guess what your granddaughter  just did!” . 

In this way, all losses of a child are just the same; infinite pain that can only be quenched by an infinite Atonement. I’m so grateful to know that the way of Christ is an open door to be a family forever.  It may not help shake all the pain of mortality, but I believe it offers a hope to hang on to and to live a good life for which is the beginning of healing.