A Gift From the Sea

This is the view from my balcony. It is the most beautiful beach I've ever been to and it isn't even clear and perfect as it will be in a few days after the storm. That's exactly how I feel about our family. We arrived bringing sadness and rain and an incredible amount of turbulence. Matt said it's the roughest water he's ever swam in and he didn't go far. I don't mind. I like the ocean in the calm and the storm as long as I'm on the shore. I was so close this time. I don't ever want to get any closer.

The skies are absolutely breathtaking, changing every minute and we get to see it all blowing by.

I love him. He's waiting for time to take away the pain. I hope that it does. I don't know this man right now. Matt has changed more in the last 3 year than in his whole life. He's almost a whole new person which I wouldn't have ever believed could happen to a man. He said to me "I want to move here. I have never felt how you did about the shore but now I do. I vote for a shore house too." Is he coming closer to me. I think he is. We have so much more in common. First out love of eating healthy and exercising. And now, not only an interest in medicine, but a thirst for more knowledge. After trying to save Charlotte he feel his inadequacy in a way that is painful. I understand that.

She loves to wave hello to mamamamama.

She also loves fruit leather.

Even during the naps of the babies, I get to watch this and can take pictures of my family loving life together. I can't stop being grateful for what I have. We will never be the same after Charlotte's death. I hope though that we can be better to honor her. My kids were hurt and scared and confused and guilty for being selfish and even say "if only we had invited Charlotte over. . ."blaming themselves as each person who possibly could rethink blamed themselves. I think they're more or less over it in the way that kids can be Alena excepted. She will miss Charlotte every day for I don't know how long. I didn't anticipate a vacation to heal us. I was expecting fun and excitement. How incredible that we are able to come here and heal though. The shore is healing.